That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
