I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
