I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
