Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
As shirtless as possible
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
