is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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