shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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