You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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