she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
