Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
His nipple licking is glorious
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