Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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