Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
