We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
