you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
