Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
