you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
