There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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