You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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