come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
