this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
