My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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