We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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