Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
