A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
