some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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