Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
