tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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