So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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