He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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