Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
