everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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