Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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