True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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