how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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