he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
