Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
