Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
