I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
