is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
birth control should be required to get into college
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
