No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
