if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
