dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
