I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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