32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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