well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
