The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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