sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
