We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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