My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
