Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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