God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
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